We have all been there or will be there soon. It can be quite intimidating and hard to understand. No, for once I am not talking about the dreaded deployment. I am talking about joining the sorority known as a new military wife.
When I first married my husband over two years ago, I was clueless when it came to anything military. We had what most call a “whirlwind romance” but had been together for over a year. After we met, we had been dating all of a month and a half before he left for a year tour in Korea. When he came home, we were married. The talk of the ins and outs of military life weren’t discussed because I was busy talking wedding and decorating our new (to us) tile palace!
I remember three days after got married, we were headed to get my ID card on Fort Sill. We were broke. We had been staying with my in-laws and I wanted to do something nice for them. They had allowed us to stay with them until the wedding and then for a week after. While we were waiting for my ID card, I brought up making dinner as a thank you for everything they had done for us. He looked at me like I had something foreign (which is NOT a new look anymore by the way). He proceeded to ask how I planned on paying for dinner.
I brought up the Star card. After all, we had used it to buy things for his Class A’s before the wedding and we had been putting our lunch on it every day. What would have been nice to know at the time was that the Star card was for AAFES use only.
“Well, isn’t the Commissary AAFES?”
My husband likes getting his laughs at my expense.
So, while some of us don’t want to admit, at one point or another, we were or are brand new to this life. It would have been nice to have known of some of the resources that are made available to those that were in my same situation.
Two weeks after we got married, we PCSed to our current duty station, Fort Gordon. I was a bright eyed newbie who wanted to experience anything and everything! I wanted to volunteer for everything I could get my hands on.
At the entrance to our neighborhood, there is a marquee. One morning on my way to work, the marquee had a message that said they were looking for someone to volunteer to take over handling the messages (birthday, congrats, etc).
I called as soon as I got to work!
I met two days later with the ACS director. In my interview, I explained that I was new and interested in anything and everything I could get my hands on. However, I didn’t get the volunteer gig but I was given invaluable amounts of resources and information.
The purpose of ACS (Army Community Services) is to equip service members, spouses, and civilian employees with the skills that they need to handle every day military life.
I could write a 500 page report on everything ACS can do for you. Therefore, I will touch on a few of the way that ACS can benefit you as a new military spouse!
ACS serves as a go-to for information related to PCSing. When my husband told me he had received orders for Fort Gordon, I had found a welcome CD online and ordered it. I didn’t know at the time, but that was made available through ACS. Just by getting this little computer disk, I knew more about Fort Gordon, the history, the units, and even the housing that was available. With our move to Germany in just a few months, I have been busy playing on the Grafenwoehr/Vilseck ACS website looking for information that will make this PCS easier.
ACS also can provide printed booklets on request for any post through the Standard Installation Topic Exchange Service (SITES) It allows ACS to print a customized information booklet for any military installation in the world. You can stop into any ACS office or access them through the ACS website.
One of the things that I have heard about but never utilized is the Lending Closet. When you PCS and have the military move you, you know you can sit for months without your household goods. When we came to Gordon, we had to wait two weeks. The person who’s HHGS were on our same truck had been waiting two months. The Lending Closet supplies basic household items for 30 days to anyone coming in or leaving. This would have been good to know when we first got here. Air mattresses are only comfortable for so many nights.
As I mentioned before, after my husband and I married, our funds were very limited. We had enough for basics but thanks to pay mishap (thanks finance!) and since I had quit my job a couple weeks earlier, it would have been nice to have a little help. And we all know we need a little help once in awhile.
Next time you find yourself in a financial struggle, check out the financial services that ACS offers!
ACS not only has financial management classes but if an unforeseen emergency arises, you can request an Army Emergency Relief (AER) loan. After my husband arrived at Fort Gordon, he was offered a house but the “rent” was pro-rated meaning he had to cough up almost $500. So he turned to ACS who gave him the loan. At $50 a month, we paid it off in just under 10 months. The best part about these loans? Interest free!
ACS also provides 3-4 days worth of food through the ACS Emergency Food program. It is provided when other emergency financial assistance is not practical or available. A food voucher is provided and good for use at the Commissary.
ACS also provides an educational program called Army Family Team Building (AFTB). It is designed to enhance coping skills and to assist military families with being more self-reliant and self-sufficient. Three months after moving to Georgia, my husband went TDY for a month to Mississippi. Not four days into it, my washing machine decided it wanted to make a lake in my dining room. I had never had my own washing machine before. I had never been alone before. My first thought was to call my husband and whine and cry and beg the army to let him come home but thankfully, AFTB had taught me how to be more independent.
Please know that you are not alone in any issue with the military that you have. There are hundreds of resources made available that you may not know about. The place to start is ACS.
Not army? Check out Marine Corps Community Services and the Navy Community Service Program!
-Amy N.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Coping with Deployment
Coping with deployment
Erin A. Nash
Whether it’s your first deployment or your 10th, it is without a doubt a very stressful time in life. There are jobs, kids, bills, chores, etc., and it all has to be done without the help of a spouse. There’s constant worry, but with some good tips and advice, deployments can be manageable.
I didn’t know what to expect with my husband’s first deployment. It was two weeks after Sept. 11, 2001, that he left. I didn’t know where he was, and had no communication with him. Luckily, now when he deploys, I have an address for him, and there’s e-mail, video teleconference and much better communication. Even though his unit is not allowed to use a lot of social media like Facebook, it comforts me to be able to write on his Facebook wall, a quick “I love you” or “I’m so proud of you” makes me feel better, and he can see it when he comes home and know I was constantly thinking of him and supporting him.
Our last deployment I faced a different challenge. It was the first in a new place. We moved across Georgia, and it’s our first time not living on post. All of our previous deployments I had the comfort of many neighbors and friends who also had spouses deployed. It’s been challenging living among civilians, who are well-meaning but don’t understand the military life. I take this opportunity to try to educate them about the challenges and rewards of being a military spouse, and what a deployment is really like. I also had to make an effort to get to know the other spouses in my husband’s unit, and when I did, it was nice to get together, and talk about our own experiences, both as military spouses and our coping strategies with deployments.
What has really worked for me during our seven deployments has been one rule – Don’t try to keep things “normal.” I don’t mean making any drastic changes, especially if you have children. Consistency is the key with kids, but, if one night, I feel like making breakfast for supper, I’ll do it. Do what feels right, what will bring you that extra ounce of comfort. It’s when I indulge myself in guilty pleasures – a gossip magazine to escape to the realities of everyday life, a bubble bath every single night if I please, or whatever your guilty pleasure may be. It’s not the best time to overindulge in harmful things, but it is a time when it’s okay to be a bit selfish.
If you find yourself struggling, there are many avenues to explore, many different places to get help. If your unit has a Family Readiness Group, contact your leader or co-leader, or whoever can help. They can guide you to whom or what program is applicable to your situation. A chaplain is always someone who will listen, and who can offer advice. There are a myriad of Websites dedicated to helping the military spouse. Reach out to friends and family. You’d be surprised how willing they are to help.
Towards the end of one deployment, a friend asked how she should deal with her husband when he came home. Should she try to get him to talk about his experience, or should she just let him be? Each person is different, I told her. Whereas her husband may want to talk until he’s hoarse, my husband may not want to say much beyond, “I missed you.” I find it best to just lay low for a couple days, to reintegrate with each other, and not force anything. That pre-deployment feeling will come back, and within a few weeks everything seems normal again. This may not be true for all, but I’ve found it’s always the same for us.
Although deployments have been one of the hardest things I’ve had to endure as a military wife, they have made me a stronger, more independent person. I’ve had time to learn about myself, to understand that yes, I can do it. When friends and family say to me, “I don’t know how you do it,” I have only one answer, “Because I love him.”
Erin A. Nash
Whether it’s your first deployment or your 10th, it is without a doubt a very stressful time in life. There are jobs, kids, bills, chores, etc., and it all has to be done without the help of a spouse. There’s constant worry, but with some good tips and advice, deployments can be manageable.
I didn’t know what to expect with my husband’s first deployment. It was two weeks after Sept. 11, 2001, that he left. I didn’t know where he was, and had no communication with him. Luckily, now when he deploys, I have an address for him, and there’s e-mail, video teleconference and much better communication. Even though his unit is not allowed to use a lot of social media like Facebook, it comforts me to be able to write on his Facebook wall, a quick “I love you” or “I’m so proud of you” makes me feel better, and he can see it when he comes home and know I was constantly thinking of him and supporting him.
Our last deployment I faced a different challenge. It was the first in a new place. We moved across Georgia, and it’s our first time not living on post. All of our previous deployments I had the comfort of many neighbors and friends who also had spouses deployed. It’s been challenging living among civilians, who are well-meaning but don’t understand the military life. I take this opportunity to try to educate them about the challenges and rewards of being a military spouse, and what a deployment is really like. I also had to make an effort to get to know the other spouses in my husband’s unit, and when I did, it was nice to get together, and talk about our own experiences, both as military spouses and our coping strategies with deployments.
What has really worked for me during our seven deployments has been one rule – Don’t try to keep things “normal.” I don’t mean making any drastic changes, especially if you have children. Consistency is the key with kids, but, if one night, I feel like making breakfast for supper, I’ll do it. Do what feels right, what will bring you that extra ounce of comfort. It’s when I indulge myself in guilty pleasures – a gossip magazine to escape to the realities of everyday life, a bubble bath every single night if I please, or whatever your guilty pleasure may be. It’s not the best time to overindulge in harmful things, but it is a time when it’s okay to be a bit selfish.
If you find yourself struggling, there are many avenues to explore, many different places to get help. If your unit has a Family Readiness Group, contact your leader or co-leader, or whoever can help. They can guide you to whom or what program is applicable to your situation. A chaplain is always someone who will listen, and who can offer advice. There are a myriad of Websites dedicated to helping the military spouse. Reach out to friends and family. You’d be surprised how willing they are to help.
Towards the end of one deployment, a friend asked how she should deal with her husband when he came home. Should she try to get him to talk about his experience, or should she just let him be? Each person is different, I told her. Whereas her husband may want to talk until he’s hoarse, my husband may not want to say much beyond, “I missed you.” I find it best to just lay low for a couple days, to reintegrate with each other, and not force anything. That pre-deployment feeling will come back, and within a few weeks everything seems normal again. This may not be true for all, but I’ve found it’s always the same for us.
Although deployments have been one of the hardest things I’ve had to endure as a military wife, they have made me a stronger, more independent person. I’ve had time to learn about myself, to understand that yes, I can do it. When friends and family say to me, “I don’t know how you do it,” I have only one answer, “Because I love him.”
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
New Year
New Year!
Welcome 2010! For us military spouses in the state of Georgia we were so ready to see this New Year get here! Like most of us, my spouse is deployed and should be returning home sometime this year!! With that being said, how many of us have made new years’ resolutions? I know for one I have. My goal is to once again lose weight. I hope to shock my husband when he gets back. We shall see how that goes! I plan on heading to the gym on post. It is free to use and they do have childcare at most of the gyms. If not, you are entitled to 16 hours a month of free childcare if your spouse is deployed! Contact your local CYSS and ask about this and other programs that are available.
So while you are at the gym and you feel that you need more motivation, you can ask for a personal trainer. There is no fee for their help. They will guide you on the proper way to exercise and lose weight.
If going to the gym isn’t your cup of tea you can always walk the neighborhood. Just remember that during this time of year to layer up on clothing. Put your MP3 player on and just go. By the way, walking is a good stress reliever and we all can use that. If you are looking for motivation at home you can contact military one source and they will provide you with a personal trainer who will call and check in on you however much you would like.
Basically what I am trying to say is to set goals for yourself to accomplish while your spouse is deployed. It doesn’t have to be losing weight. It can be anything. Just remember to take care of yourself!! -Susan A.
Welcome 2010! For us military spouses in the state of Georgia we were so ready to see this New Year get here! Like most of us, my spouse is deployed and should be returning home sometime this year!! With that being said, how many of us have made new years’ resolutions? I know for one I have. My goal is to once again lose weight. I hope to shock my husband when he gets back. We shall see how that goes! I plan on heading to the gym on post. It is free to use and they do have childcare at most of the gyms. If not, you are entitled to 16 hours a month of free childcare if your spouse is deployed! Contact your local CYSS and ask about this and other programs that are available.
So while you are at the gym and you feel that you need more motivation, you can ask for a personal trainer. There is no fee for their help. They will guide you on the proper way to exercise and lose weight.
If going to the gym isn’t your cup of tea you can always walk the neighborhood. Just remember that during this time of year to layer up on clothing. Put your MP3 player on and just go. By the way, walking is a good stress reliever and we all can use that. If you are looking for motivation at home you can contact military one source and they will provide you with a personal trainer who will call and check in on you however much you would like.
Basically what I am trying to say is to set goals for yourself to accomplish while your spouse is deployed. It doesn’t have to be losing weight. It can be anything. Just remember to take care of yourself!! -Susan A.
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