Coping with Deployment

Coping with deployment
Erin A. Nash

Whether it’s your first deployment or your 10th, it is without a doubt a very stressful time in life. There are jobs, kids, bills, chores, etc., and it all has to be done without the help of a spouse. There’s constant worry, but with some good tips and advice, deployments can be manageable.
I didn’t know what to expect with my husband’s first deployment. It was two weeks after Sept. 11, 2001, that he left. I didn’t know where he was, and had no communication with him. Luckily, now when he deploys, I have an address for him, and there’s e-mail, video teleconference and much better communication. Even though his unit is not allowed to use a lot of social media like Facebook, it comforts me to be able to write on his Facebook wall, a quick “I love you” or “I’m so proud of you” makes me feel better, and he can see it when he comes home and know I was constantly thinking of him and supporting him.
Our last deployment I faced a different challenge. It was the first in a new place. We moved across Georgia, and it’s our first time not living on post. All of our previous deployments I had the comfort of many neighbors and friends who also had spouses deployed. It’s been challenging living among civilians, who are well-meaning but don’t understand the military life. I take this opportunity to try to educate them about the challenges and rewards of being a military spouse, and what a deployment is really like. I also had to make an effort to get to know the other spouses in my husband’s unit, and when I did, it was nice to get together, and talk about our own experiences, both as military spouses and our coping strategies with deployments.
What has really worked for me during our seven deployments has been one rule – Don’t try to keep things “normal.” I don’t mean making any drastic changes, especially if you have children. Consistency is the key with kids, but, if one night, I feel like making breakfast for supper, I’ll do it. Do what feels right, what will bring you that extra ounce of comfort. It’s when I indulge myself in guilty pleasures – a gossip magazine to escape to the realities of everyday life, a bubble bath every single night if I please, or whatever your guilty pleasure may be. It’s not the best time to overindulge in harmful things, but it is a time when it’s okay to be a bit selfish.
If you find yourself struggling, there are many avenues to explore, many different places to get help. If your unit has a Family Readiness Group, contact your leader or co-leader, or whoever can help. They can guide you to whom or what program is applicable to your situation. A chaplain is always someone who will listen, and who can offer advice. There are a myriad of Websites dedicated to helping the military spouse. Reach out to friends and family. You’d be surprised how willing they are to help.
Towards the end of one deployment, a friend asked how she should deal with her husband when he came home. Should she try to get him to talk about his experience, or should she just let him be? Each person is different, I told her. Whereas her husband may want to talk until he’s hoarse, my husband may not want to say much beyond, “I missed you.” I find it best to just lay low for a couple days, to reintegrate with each other, and not force anything. That pre-deployment feeling will come back, and within a few weeks everything seems normal again. This may not be true for all, but I’ve found it’s always the same for us.
Although deployments have been one of the hardest things I’ve had to endure as a military wife, they have made me a stronger, more independent person. I’ve had time to learn about myself, to understand that yes, I can do it. When friends and family say to me, “I don’t know how you do it,” I have only one answer, “Because I love him.”

New Year

New Year!
Welcome 2010! For us military spouses in the state of Georgia we were so ready to see this New Year get here! Like most of us, my spouse is deployed and should be returning home sometime this year!! With that being said, how many of us have made new years’ resolutions? I know for one I have. My goal is to once again lose weight. I hope to shock my husband when he gets back. We shall see how that goes! I plan on heading to the gym on post. It is free to use and they do have childcare at most of the gyms. If not, you are entitled to 16 hours a month of free childcare if your spouse is deployed! Contact your local CYSS and ask about this and other programs that are available.
So while you are at the gym and you feel that you need more motivation, you can ask for a personal trainer. There is no fee for their help. They will guide you on the proper way to exercise and lose weight.
If going to the gym isn’t your cup of tea you can always walk the neighborhood. Just remember that during this time of year to layer up on clothing. Put your MP3 player on and just go. By the way, walking is a good stress reliever and we all can use that. If you are looking for motivation at home you can contact military one source and they will provide you with a personal trainer who will call and check in on you however much you would like.
Basically what I am trying to say is to set goals for yourself to accomplish while your spouse is deployed. It doesn’t have to be losing weight. It can be anything. Just remember to take care of yourself!! -Susan A.